sakex

It feels like I'm dying.

2009-02-27T16:30:33Z

No. Literally. Not in some sort of deep philosophical way about new found feelings or anything. It feels like I am physically dying. It feels like my entire frontal lobe is throbbing. I can't eat or drink anything without wanting to throw up. I have tremors in my upper extremities, balance issues, and numbness in my fingertips. I can't comprehend normal everyday conversation and my vision appears to be deteriorating rapidly.

Life lesson (which correlates nicely to one of our physiology exam topics) of the day: sleep is important.

Imma go take a nap now. Got lab in the afternoon. These two weeks of exams...I don't even know how to properly express how I feel about them. Just dying.

sakex @ 2009-02-15T23:26:00

2009-02-16T05:27:24Z

this makes me happy:

the human voices are kind of annoying though

Today I...

2009-02-10T07:45:30Z

detached our body's head from the vertebral column, removed a wedge of the occipital bone down to the foramen magnum, and bisected the head in half just lateral to right nostril down to the tongue using a hacksaw due to the limited supply of oscillating saws. Everybody in my group was disgusted, particularly with the complete exposure of the tongue after the bisection, and found the dissection "scary." I enjoyed it and thought it to was one of our more interesting sessions. I don't know what this says about me as a person but probably not good things... =/

anatomy

2009-01-31T05:39:27Z

This class gives me a headache. I'm either loving it or hating it but never in a comfortable, apreciative middle ground.

I love that it's so hands-on. After sitting through what seems like endless hours of lectures in a dark, windowless room it's nice to work with my hands. The smell isn't that bad either. You get use to it after awhile unlike neuroanatomy. (sidenote: The only time I had to go into neuro lab on Monday was before ecm so I had to go directly to see my patient after. Such a bad idea! The fumes from the preservatives were absorbed in my eyes and made me tear up randomly in front of my patient! I'm sure that made him feel real comfortable. Never. Again.) It's a fantastic opportunity to explore the body. I really don't understand the people who skip lab or chose not to dissect; after this year it'll be a rare instance to ever get a chance like this. Besides the standard skinning and other scalpel work, I've gotten the chance to saw a leg off from the level of the sacrum (election day. skipped party in grant park to do so. worth it), perform what was essentially a full spinal laminectomy (inauguration day. many obama references!), and saw off the calva to remove the brain to observe the cranial nerves (sawing is fun. my group is convinced I'm going into ortho surgery).

Downers can pretty much be characterized by everything that happened this week. You can never know enough. Granted this is true for everything in the field of medicine and I have long accepted this fact but this week was just threw this in my face and laughed at me. After putting in additional lab time at night with my study group to try and learn this foreign language my preceptor goes and questions my dissection group about things that I have never heard of. After it became clear that we knew nothing about forensic pathology, she spent the next 2 hours yelling at us about our ignorance and how we are going to kill all our patients in the future. Of course we had to stay 3hrs later than all the other groups to redeem ourselves by dissecting things that weren't even listed in our manual. It was just so physically and emotionally draining. The fact that half our group ditched us when they saw her screaming, leaving only three people (including myself), did not help. After getting home I just laid down and couldn't get up (which btw, completely threw off my study schedule. lame. and it made me miss my tango lesson. double lame).

Tomorrow will be another 8 hr review session. Except it's not really review since this semester they removed lecture during the week due to my class being crazy and complaining. So what it really is now is 8 continuous hours of lecture punctuated by three 15 min breaks on Saturdays. And instead of listening to him natter on while sitting in a lecture hall, we get to stand in a crowded little circle during lab to listen to him natter. It's definitely a good thing that our professors are so receptive to our criticism and try really hard to improve our curriculum but why such extreme changes...?

sakex @ 2009-01-28T23:48:00

2009-01-29T05:55:48Z

Just a quick post as penance for not working out today (New Year's resolution still being met!):

Gay penguin pair tie the knot

The besotted male birds turned out to be such a great parenting pair their keepers thought they deserved a reward and let them marry.

They were once given the cold shoulder at the wildlife park in China for stealing heterosexual couples' eggs to nest as their own.

But after being allowed to try out with eggs rejected by their mothers the couple have become the zoo's best penguin parents.

Now keepers at Polarland Zoo in Harbin, north east China, have rewarded their devotion with a wedding day.

One wore a tie and the other was dressed in a red blouse - a traditional Chinese bridal colour - as they stepped into their icy wedding room to the music of the Wedding March.

Keepers then served them their favourite dish for the occasion - spring fish.

"They have been a good couple and deserved their reward," said one keeper.

source

Now back to the books.

[Ok, I lied. The best thing ever is Jae and Changmin singing "It's Raining Men" but this is still up there on the list.]

sakex @ 2009-01-04T22:47:00

2009-01-05T05:07:40Z

I know I'm going to regret saying this come tomorrow but I'm kind of glad that classes are starting again. The last two weeks of break was so unbearably boring. The Monday back from Georgia I read neuroanatomy, reformatted both my computers, got a haircut, knitted a "scarf" (not really since it's really short and I can't find anymore of the same yarn in stores, blah), spent too much money on the internet (cosmetics from korea/japan is amazing but why is shipping so tragic?! s/h came out to half my total order amount T-T), caught up with We Got Married (my favorite couple left...sadness), marathoned House, reviewed anatomy and then sat around not knowing what to do anymore.

If I had just sat around right after finals instead of going somewhere I think I would've been perfectly content with wasting my time during break. But, actually doing something right afterwards...in beautiful 80 degree weather... really messed up any plans for lazing about. blah. I also got into the habit of waking up at 7am from the volunteering so there was a lot of time for boredom. If only that would continue into the semester....

Classes:
Med Gross Anatomy/Embryology II
Med Neuroanatomy
Med Tissue and Cell Biology II
Physiology II
Brain and Behavior
Fundamental Immunology/Microbiology
Essentials of Clinical Medicine II
Intro to Molecular Medicine/Genetics
edit: Human Development

sakex @ 2008-12-12T23:10:00

2008-12-13T05:43:54Z

First semester finally done! I can't believe school has only been a few months; I can't even remember the beginning of the semester when we first started and only had biochemistry and physiology to worry about. Ha, and we're suppose to recall all that information in a year and a half from now! I can honestly say that I have studied more in these past few months than my entire undergrad. The fact that they're just adding more classes onto our schedule for next semester is extremely frightening. No lie. I guess that would explain why I feel so stressed right now instead of relief for a semester finished. I haven't even purchased the books my professors want us to read over break! Ah!

I will be spending the next week in Georgia to help with the Nature Conservancy. Our group of ten will be living in a log cabin in Moody Forest and will be helping with collecting seeds, planting trees, prescribed burning, and building firebreaks. I have been really excited for this trip; however, today I was informed that there are two vacancies for the rebuilding New Orleans trip. That had been my first choice and now I can't even go because I'm the site leader and driver for the trip to Georgia! Lame. So very lame. I kept on insisting that the responsibilities could easily be pushed onto someone else but that didn't really fly.

And yes, you read that correctly. Responsible for driving nine other people down into the forest in GA in a giant van. The 15hr drive getting there should be without horrors but the drive back will be overnight, beginning Friday evening after a day of working out in the woods. I believe I will be pounding back 5-hour energy shots the entire time (8333% daily B12 and 2000% daily B6 in just 2oz!) You could say I have been training for this moment since August...

Total amount of sleep since Saturday: 18hr

sakex @ 2008-12-08T02:18:00

2008-12-08T08:21:59Z

Hello, brain? If you could return from where ever you are right now, that would be great. Thanks.

Took a TLE. Got 59%. What. The. Hell.

This is not a good sign for what is going to be happening 6 hours from now...

sakex @ 2008-12-06T19:06:00

2008-12-07T01:23:10Z

20-something guy #1: Dude, that band was awesome!
20-something guy #2: I know! It makes me wish I were a chick, that way I could have that guy's babies.
20-something guy #1: Me too!

I have problems focusing. That all-nighter is probably happening on Sunday. Might have to go pick up some Monster then. And a water bottle...where did I put it on Monday? Working out without one is proving to be really difficult. What happened to my sports bra? I really need to do laundry next Saturday. Hopefully it won't be snowing still. Being responsible for the lives of nine other people and all that. My co-site leader really gets on my nerves. Why did I agree to this position? Nephrology is annoyingly complicated. My nails are really pretty right now. Should pick up OPI's french collection.

end randomness.

on proposition 8

2008-11-11T17:12:42Z

sakex @ 2008-11-04T22:43:00

2008-11-05T04:45:01Z

Thank you.

"Burnout and Suicidal Ideation Among U.S. Medical Students"

2008-10-30T18:26:14Z

Medical Student Burnout and the Challenge to Patient Care

Test on Monday, test tomorrow, test on Monday again. Fatigue from lack of sleep and period. Thoughts of getting hit by semi while traveling to and from school so that I can finally get some peace and rest.

I don't understand how findings from the article are surprising at all.

undecided voters

2008-10-22T02:03:05Z

"To put them in perspective, I think of being on an airplane. The flight attendant comes down the aisle with her food cart and, eventually, parks it beside my seat. “Can I interest you in the chicken?” she asks. “Or would you prefer the platter of shit with bits of broken glass in it?”

To be undecided in this election is to pause for a moment and then ask how the chicken is cooked."

Undecided by David Sedaris

happiness gone.

2008-10-21T05:04:02Z

fucking a.

making me wake up early Monday morning to attend your mandatory orientation and what do you talk about for one and half hours? How to navigate your poorly designed website.

I know how to use the in-ter-net thank you very much.

The sad thing is that this is the THIRD time that the COM has spent mandatory orientation for one of their programs on internet navigation. We may not be CS majors but we all grew up during the dot come boom.

sakex @ 2008-10-17T22:21:00

2008-10-18T03:50:26Z

Today was the best experience I have had in med school so far. It really validated my decision to go down this path in life and removed many of the insecurities I've been having. After spending hours after hours in lecture, lab, and the library, I really lost sight of the point of it all. But today, after talking to my two patients, it just reminded me of why this was my childhood dream. In the end it's all about the patient. If I can help make a difference and improve the quality of life for others in the future, then I will have led a meaningful existence.

Since high school (yes, I'm a slow thinker) I have struggled with finding a purpose in life. What's the point of living if it's just to get through a daily grind, waiting for an inevitable end? Would it even matter if I was never here in the first place? With each passing year, I'm finally able to slowly piece some of the answer together (yes, I'm also a slow learner).

I would be foolish to think that all my future patients will be as amazing as the ones I've had today but I will remain hopeful that I will be able to extract a life lesson from each of them in the future. The moment that they become commodities rather than individuals will be the end.

My current mood probably won't last until Monday, when the book memorizing will have firmly pulled me back into the darkness. Right now though, I am happy.

sakex @ 2008-10-16T23:00:00

2008-10-17T04:27:15Z

School is killing me on the inside. Today was another 9am-7pm class day. They've become so frequent that I was actually pleasantly surprised on Monday when we ended at 4:30. I don't understand how they expect us to ever absorb the material that they're throwing at us when we're sitting in lecture and lab for 10 hours. I went in to speak to one of our advisers and it's shocking how removed they are from the situation the students are in. These are advisers that only serve the medical students yet seem to think that we only need 3 hours of study time outside of class. Excuse me? I cannot begin to explain how ridiculous that is.

Because of our curriculum we have to constantly chose between independent study, going to class, or sleep. However, the Deans and professors believe that skipping class is unprofessional behavior and are in the process of instating penalties for the coming semesters. This, of course, comes after telling us life expectancy significantly decreases with changes in circadian rhythm, primarily from altered enzyme functioning due to lack of sleep.

**********

Tomorrow I'll be meeting my first live patient. It's nothing major, just an introduction to taking patient history. Still, I'm nervous since I haven't been trained to do this. biochemical pathways =/= human interaction. This is a nice change of pace though...to feel something besides numbness.

"There's a place in Hell reserved for women who don't support other women."

2008-10-05T17:02:09Z

Besides the obvious and complete failure at reading, did this woman just threaten me? Just because we both have vaginas doesn't mean I agree or support you in anything that you say or do.

Its occurred to me that I've developed a deeply unhealthy hatred for Palin. As a woman, I am personally offended by who she is and what she represents. It saddens me that there may be a generation of little girls who look up to her.

Clearly I have underestimated how evil the republican party is.

"Past is prologue."

2008-10-03T02:40:07Z

Was suppose to be doing research for case studies but streamed the debate online instead.

Gay marriage aside, I think I just fell in love with biden...

edit: OMG, I'm on bbc and there are some people equating Palin to Margaret Thatcher!

sakex @ 2008-09-22T13:31:00

2008-09-22T18:36:20Z

I've concluded that if you were a Hillary supporter and is now supporting McCain/Palin, you are a racist. It's the only possible reason. Prove me wrong.

Off to histology now! We managed to somehow cover 500 pages last week and I need to dig myself out of this mess before the test on Wednesday. Gah! And I left my glasses at home so all nighters are going to be basically impossible :(

first accident with a car

2008-09-18T04:11:44Z

I suppose it was inevitable that I would eventually get into an accident once I started riding around the city but it's still slightly upsetting that this would happen within a month. All those years riding in Beijing during the summer and not a single accident!

I got off with a swollen left knee and bruised right shoulder, neck, and lower back. Besides the fact that I've lost the ability to climb stairs, walk properly, and fully turn my head, I think overall I was quite lucky. No external bleeding =D

In retrospect, it probably looked quite hilarious. There's actually a perfect depiction of it in Slam Dunk but that's unfortunately not with me. Anywho, just imagine bike hitting car and person being flung forward, then getting back on and ridding off with wobbly front wheel. I obviously couldn't have seen it in action but I did get over the car somehow and land in front and away from my bike so it seems like the right scenario. And my front wheel is now definitely crooked. The driver got out and was extremely flustered so it must've looked quite bad on his end. He looked about 50 or 60 and ready for a panic attack. Felt bad for him so I just told him not to worry about it and road off. It wasn't until I got to the COM building and was trying to get to my class that I realized wow, I'm in a lot of pain...

I'm still trying to figure out how I managed to hurt my left leg and right shoulder. Seems kind of odd. Didn't really have time to think about it at the time since I landed in the middle of the street and got up really fast; getting squashed by a car would have probably made it a bit more serious...

sakex @ 2008-07-04T22:58:00

2008-07-05T05:23:58Z

Four Shot Following Fireworks Display

This kind of situation is just ridiculous. Families are out trying to enjoy a beautiful summer night (and it was quite beautiful by chicago standards; clear skies and high 70s) with the taste, bbq, and some fireworks. Meanwhile, there are bullets flying around because a bunch of teenagers can't seem to handle a verbal argument. Why were they carrying around guns at this kind of public gathering in the first place?

That's the beauty of this country, we are free to do so, as evident by recent supreme court rulings. We are constantly in need of self protection against possible invaders just like the people over 200 years ago when the Constitution was written. Better safe than sorry. After all, as consistently pointed out by NRA supporters, "guns don't kill people, people do." Valid, I suppose, but guns sure make killing people much easier. And more importantly, this is really key, people are idiots. Turn on the tv, flip through a newspaper, open up a webpage, there are many, many fine examples out there. Most of the time it's not even our fault that we're stupid. Using x-rays for hair removal seemed like a good idea at the time; cancer and death were just unexpected side effects.

The supreme court may have concluded that it is our right to own guns but the case is still out for the extent in which this right can be regulated. When it comes time for that decision I hope the government grows a nice big tumor on its pituitary and develop acromegaly.

perhaps a window?

2008-07-04T02:04:55Z

我: “外边被屋里还凉快，为什么还开着冷气?”
我妈: “那凉气儿怎么进来?”
我: “...”

sakex @ 2008-06-26T22:34:00

2008-06-27T03:48:16Z

When I look at the texture of the skin on my face I want to spackle and sand it smooth.

It seems the redecorating is getting to me. I should of suspected as much when my roommate called me up with a home improvement question and I was able to easily tell her what she needed (dowel) and where she could buy it (in the same aisle as the wood trim, usually on the bottom; most home depots only carry oak while mernards has both oak and pine at a fraction of the cost).

I'm not sure if I should be proud or disturbed right now...

sakex @ 2008-06-24T22:21:00

2008-06-25T04:12:01Z

A short list of things that currently piss me off:

Dems for McCain, Hillary 2012
- I would understand (a tad bit more) if you supported McCain due to sound political reasons but to vote for a candidate simply because of revenge is absurd. Seeing the comments these people leave makes me so angry; how the fuck does his wife's choice of not wearing pantyhose for comfort reasons drastically hinder his abilities to lead??? Think beyond these past few months and consider the long term implications of having McCain in office, mainly the strong possibility of at least one supreme court appointment.

Fox News on cable (not local, robin robinson is quality)
- Oh where to start. From fist bump = terrorist fist jab to michelle obama = Obama's baby mama, Fox News is always there for a good laugh.

Oprah+Obama+black elites backed by Jewish are taking over America!
- Right.

This really shouldn't be bothering me this much considering that I can't vote but sometimes it frustrates me to the point of wanting to scream. Yeahyeah, if you want them to understand your perspective you have to understand theirs...blahblahbitchbitch. What perspective?! "[Michelle Obama] looks like she got kicked between the eyes." Um, okay, if we're going there then Cindy McCain steals recipes and calls them her own. Ha!

Now back to my bio comfort zone.

sakex @ 2008-04-25T11:43:00

2008-04-25T16:46:13Z

I woke up crying because I dreamed about my grandparents again and now our apartment smells like rotten cheese. I suspect Aarti's beloved sausages are the root cause (Vikram says they smell like "vomit").

I'm going to the zoo now and getting funnel cakes and snow cones to make myself feel better. How grown up am I?